I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
