I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
