are you still at the devil's house?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Randomize
