Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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