Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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