i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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