i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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