To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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