There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
