so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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