hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
