I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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