We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
