I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
