OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
