I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
