I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
