I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
