I cannot find my penis.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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