Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
