That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
