cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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