there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you will always have a special place in my vag
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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