Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
