I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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