dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
