An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
