Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
