You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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