let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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