I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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