What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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