Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I got her a Nickelback box set.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
