Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
