I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
