I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
