I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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