I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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