Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
