i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize