So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize