Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
