Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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