Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
