youre lurking in front of me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
