Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
