I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
