my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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