But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
