If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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