Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
