I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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