What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
