It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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