so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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