if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
