my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize