I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
