when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
so much tequila, so little girl.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
