Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
