Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
