If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
