I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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