So drunk its hurt
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
