And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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