I think my fart just growled at me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
